When facing divorce, many people talk about building a “divorce survival kit”—a collection of tools and resources to help them get through the process with their sanity intact. Yet, it is important to understand that what you should “bring” to the negotiating table is just as important as what you shouldn’t.
Some potential additions to your toolkit, while tempting, will only slow you down, stir up conflict or sabotage what could otherwise be productive negotiations. As a result, you’ll want to leave the following at home.
Earplugs
Yes, the sound of your ex’s voice might grate on your nerves—but metaphorical earplugs that block out what the other person is saying will make negotiations impossible. Divorce requires listening, even when doing so is difficult. Tuning out completely means missing key information that could lead to compromise and/or save you time and money.
A megaphone
While it might feel good to get the last word, coming into negotiations determined to be the loudest voice in the room rarely results in a favorable outcome. You do not need to out-shout your ex—you need to out-strategize. A calm, clear tone often speaks volumes more than yelling ever could.
A crystal ball
Guessing what your ex is really thinking or what the court might decide if everything goes to trial will only distract you from the actual negotiations at hand. Rely on facts, not fantasy. Your attorney’s guidance and a realistic assessment of your situation will take you much further than assumptions about the future.
Sentimentality
Nostalgia happens. But divorce negotiations are not the time to take a stroll down memory lane. Bringing emotional artifacts into a conversation about custody, property and finances can cloud judgment. Sentimentality is better left for a future therapy session, not the negotiating table.
A flamethrower
Divorce is hard, and yes, tempers flare. But bringing a scorched-earth mindset into negotiations—where you are determined to “win” at all costs—usually backfires. You may end up burning bridges that need to remain intact, especially if children are involved.
Your soapbox
If your negotiation plan includes posting cryptic quotes or angry rants online, leave that impulse out of the kit, too. Social media can undermine negotiations and even hurt your case in court. Silence, in this case, is golden.
Ultimately, the best divorce survival kit includes emotional resilience, a willingness to compromise and experienced legal support. Leave behind the drama, the assumptions, and the one-liners and bring a focus on your future instead. You will thank yourself later.