If one of the main reasons you are divorcing is because of how difficult your spouse was to live with, then you need to be prepared for co-parenting to be a bumpy ride. While they might suddenly change their behavior once they are single again, there’s a good chance they’ll continue in the same vein.
The following tips can be useful in such situations:
1. Accept you cannot change another person
You cannot make your co-parent change how they act. The only person that can do that is them and they may not want to or may not yet be in a mental space where they can accept that they need to. This means you will have to find ways to navigate the situation and limit the harm it does to you.
If, for example, you note that your co-parent always manages to turn a face-to-face encounter into an argument that leaves you upset, stressed or exhausted, then find a way to cut those face-to-face encounters out. Tell them you will only communicate via email, for example. Or tell them you will be sending someone else to carry out child handovers in your place.
2. Keep your cool
Some people love provoking arguments with a person they are or were married to. Often there’s a complex psychological explanation for their need to do this. But, as a divorcing or recently divorced parent, you need to consider it might be a ploy to gain an advantage in custody and parenting time matters. They may be trying to provoke you into a reaction that they can use against you in court.
3. Remember your child’s best interests
A court will consider your “child’s best interests” if asked to decide on child-related matters. You’d do well to keep those three words at the forefront of your mind in interactions with your spouse. It can help clarify how you should act in difficult situations. One thing that is definitely in your child’s interests and yours is to seek legal guidance to understand and explore your options.